Queer as Folk may have broken barriers by featuring a rimming scene 26 years ago, but there is still a lot of stigma around this taboo sex act—probably because homophobes have linked it to anal sex and therefore gay men and consider it dirty—which means that you while you’ve likely heard of it, you may have never given it a try.
Ok, so there was also an analingus scene in White Lotus a few years ago and one in Euphoria, but it’s still a taboo subject that most people won’t talk about in polite society. But rimming can be a fun, extremely pleasurable, and normal part of your sex life, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identity. Everyone has nerve endings back there, so why not explore them?
So, whether you’re still a newbie and don’t really know what you’re doing, or you’re a salad tossing virgin, don’t worry because we’ve reached out to sex and sexual health experts who will have you looking like an ass eating veteran in no time!
So you’re curious about rimming, but should you give it a try?
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If you’re curious at all, then it’s worth giving it a try. You may discover that you enjoy giving, receiving, or both! According to Birna Gustafsson, a sex educator and public health advocate who focuses on queer pleasure, STIs, and contraception myths, if you’ve ever explored your own anus with your fingers while masturbating or if the idea of licking your partner or being licked by them has you quaking with desire, then eating ass may be for you.
“If you notice that adding some pressure to the outside of the anal area heightens your sensation during sex or masturbation, rimming can be exactly what takes your pleasure to the next level,” she tells PRIDE.
Analingus can also be incredibly pleasurable and a great way to start exploring anal play, renowned anal surgeon Dr. Evan Goldstein, who is also the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical and Future Method, explains.
“The anus is rich with nerve endings, and when stimulated—especially with the warmth and softness of a tongue—it can trigger full-body pleasure, even intensifying orgasm by activating the pelvic floor muscles that also wrap around the penis and prostate,” he says. "For many, rimming can be the perfect gateway to anal play: external, non-penetrative, and deeply erotic in its own right.”
How do you bring it up to your partner or hookup?
Communication is key when you want to try something new in bed and rim jobs are no different. “Be honest about your interest, and stay open to their response. If they’re hesitant, that’s okay—it’s not everyone’s go-to (you’re licking someone’s asshole after all). Respect their boundaries, just as you’d want yours respected,” Dr. Goldstein says.
Gustafsson agrees and says that if you want to munch on your partner or hookup’s peach, you can ask how comfortable they are with exploring anal play and then explain how much you’re looking forward to trying this with them. “You can also ensure your pleasure by letting them know how much the idea excites you or how curious you are to see how they like it,” she says.
Our experts also provided some suggested questions you can ask to get the conversation started:
“Hey, I’ve been curious about trying something—can I run it by you?”
“I’ve been exploring more down there on my own, and I want to know how it feels with a mouth. I’m so curious, but I’ll take your lead. How do you feel about that?”
“I love the way your mouth makes me feel. I’ve noticed you’re going a little more south, do you ever think about going further? I’d like to know how it feels, are you into that?”
What should you do to prep?
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Since we’re talking about eating ass, good hygiene is going to be your best friend here. If you think you’re going to get some backdoor action, make sure you shower and clean your anus and the surrounding skin with warm water and a mild soap. You might want to go ahead and douche beforehand too so that if your partner has an “impressively adventurous” tongue, or rimming leads to anal sex, you’re already ready to go, Dr. Goldstein says.
You may also want to do a little landscaping before someone sticks their face back there, but it really depends on your preference and that of your sex partner. “It’s all about preference—some folks love it natural, others want a smooth landscape,” he explains. “If hair removal’s on the table, we recommend laser over shaving, waxing, or depilatories. Those methods can cause microtears, irritation, and even trigger dormant HPV.”
How can you try analingus safely?
Whether you’re a salad tossing newbie or it makes a regular rotation in your sexual repertoire, you should be practicing safe sex. But what does that mean when it comes to analingus?
“Like all sex acts, analingus has its risks—mostly related to STIs (like Hepatitis A, Herpes, HPV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and others), as well as bacterial infections (like e.coli and salmonella). Giardia, a microscopic parasite that is passed through feces, and other parasites can also be present,” Dr. Goldstein warns. Luckily, there are things you can do to help reduce this risk.
Apparently, cleanliness is next to godliness even when talking about rim jobs! It’s important to make sure you’re clean before you get started, and then once everyone has come, you should hop back in the shower to clean off again. Dr. Goldstein also recommends avoiding playtime if either partner is under the weather or has an active STI, getting regular checkups with your healthcare provider (including oral and anal screenings), and rinsing your mouth with mouthwash once playtime is over because micro-scratches on your gums can allow bacteria in.
You can also use dental dams or single-use latex underwear like Lorals to provide added protection and peace of mind. “These thin barrier methods are surprisingly pleasurable, don’t knock it ‘til you try it! They can transfer even feather-like, barely there sensations or tongue-flicks,” Gustafsson says.
But even if both you and your sex partner have clean STI panels, you still want to take precautions because fecal bacteria can still cause infection or illness. “After rimming someone, avoid licking their vulva/vagina or tip of their penis. Bacteria from the rectum should avoid coming into contact with the urethra or the vagina to prevent infection,” she recommends.
5 tips and tricks for getting the most out of rimming
Try different positions
Variety is the spice of life, so try different positions like doggy style, with the receiver on their back, or face sitting. You can also try having the giver kneel on the floor at the foot of the bed with the receiver on their hands and knees on the bed with their butt facing you so that they can grind against your mouth or they can hover over your mouth while you’re lying down. “For those into power play, this position is a great way of being a receiver while maintaining control,” Gustafsson says.
Use your tongue like a pro
Use the the tip of your tongue to create a firm point to stimulate your partner, but avoid dating motions. “Instead, create feather-like, barely there strokes in one direction,” Gustafsson explains. “Start slow, this is a great way to tease the area and get a sense for how much pressure they enjoy. Since it is such a delicate area, less is more!”
Try light flicks, firm strokes, breath play, gentle sucking, and circling their anus with your tongue. You can also use the middle part of your tongue to create firm pressure. But if you’re tongue starts getting tired, press your tongue against them and move your whole head up and down to lap at them. This way, your jaw and neck are doing the bulk of the work while your tongue gets a break.
Lend a hand
When you’re rimming, you mouth isn’t the only thing that should be getting in on the action. To take you and your partner from a normal orgasm to fireworks exploding behind your eyes, add in other forms of stimulation. While you’re licking and sucking on your partner’s peach or their doing it to you, add in a hand job, fingering, or using a vibrator. The receiver can also masturbate while getting rimmed.
“Spreading your own cheeks can give your partner direct access to your hole (and signal you’re into it),” Dr. Goldstein recommends.
Explore the surrounding areas
No need to stick to just the anus, try licking and touching the taint, balls, inner thighs, or even hips, which Dr. Goldstein says are “extra-sensitive and crave attention too.”
Keep it wet
A wet tongue feels better than a dry one, and don’t be shy about using your own spit. You can also use lube to make things extra slippery. “Adding a drop of silicone lubricant can make things go smoother, especially if you’re adding fingers to the mix while rimming them,” Gustafsson says. “Keep in mind, though, that too much lube or wetness from saliva can saturate the nerves and actually make it more difficult for the receiver to feel what you’re doing.”
Is it normal to feel shame?
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It’s common to feel shame about wanting to explore anal play, especially because your mouth is involved in analingus and society has conditioned us to view it as dirty or taboo since it’s associated with queer pleasure and submission. Some people don’t enjoy rimming, but for others it is a primary source of sexual pleasure—both are ok.
“But here’s the thing: pleasure isn’t shameful,” Dr. Goldstein says. “The anus is packed with pleasure potential, and there’s nothing ‘dirty’ about being curious or wanting more sensation. If someone makes you feel judged for wanting to explore, that’s a red flag—not a reflection of your desires. The right partner will meet your curiosity with respect, not shame.”
Gustafsson also says that some people don’t get down with rim jobs until they are horny, “For many people, they don’t feel much of anything until they’re aroused, so rimming is enjoyable after they’ve already started touching themselves or each other.” But if you are flooded with shame before or after the act itself, you can overcome this by “owning and embodying your pleasure,” she explains.
Is rimming just for gay men?
No, rimming is for everyone. The popular imagination may associate all butt stuff with gay men, but anyone can enjoy anal sex and analingus. “Many vulva owners love it as the area is sensitive on its own, and the legs of the clitoris are nearby,” Gustafsson says. "Many people also enjoy the taboo aspect of the act, regardless of their sexual orientation. While we all differ in our sexual preferences, everyone has an anus, so it is a universal experience to explore and seek pleasure in such a sensitive, erogenous zone.”
Dr. Goldstein couldn’t agree more, “Analingus is for anyone with a butt—which is, well, everyone. Regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, rimming can be a powerful, pleasurable part of intimacy. It relaxes the body, builds trust, and for many, feels amazing with or without penetration. Think of it as the warm-up act that can also steal the hole show.” Pun intended!
Experts cited:
Dr. Evan Goldstein, a renowned anal surgeon who is also the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical and Future Method.
Birna Gustafsson, a sex educator and public health advocate who focuses on queer pleasure, STIs, and contraception myths.
